Devoutness

To what do you dedicate most of your time and energy? Your career? Friends? Diet? Gym? All of these things are well and good. But can they save you? We are all sinners, but we can all be forgiven.

We have to dedicate time to get to know the Lord. And more time than just sunday mornings. If you are praying and not seeing answers, if you don't feel Jesus living in your heart, ask yourself "Am I really walking with God? Am I living for Him, or for myself and other things?" Sharing a "repost" on Facebook does not substitute for prayer, praise, worship, and following. God deserves to be glorified every single moment! Being a good person in general is not enough, morality will not save you. Our goodness is filthy rags (Isaiah 64.6) in the eyes of the Lord! God loves kindness, but you must love Him also. Jesus said, "If you know me, you will know my Father as well.." (John 14.7) If you spent time with your spouse only one hour a week, would you call that devoted love? What if you only spoke to a friend when you needed something, is that a real friendship? 

Seek God, He is not hard to find! He is living with you, but are you living with Him?

The Eyes of a Child

Today in church the Lord showed me beauty through children.

Directly in front of me, a woman swayed her son back and forth while we sang our hymns. I make a guess that he's about six months old. He took a break from gnawing on his fingers and flashed me a giant smile. In the moment, I think he must be the most handsome baby boy I've ever seen. We sang and he smiled on, shining in the light of our Father's glory. A moment or so later, his head was laid over his mother's shoulder and he was fast asleep while we received the lesson. He looked even more adorable than before. And then my husband leaned close to me and said, "Did you see how fast he fell asleep?" This made me inexplicably happy. The little boy had me so encompassed I hadn't even noticed C watching him too. It warmed my heart to know that He was as mesmerized by the young child as I was.

After the lesson, a newborn was baptized. She was only ten days old and precious as could possibly be. Afterwards, we all greeted the parents and wished them well. The father was holding his tiny daughter wrapped in her baptism blanket. I stroked her fine hair and was amazed at how soft and fragile she was. It had been sometime since I had been around a child so young. The preciousness is awesome in the most literal sense.

As the Lord showed me these things today, I felt completely innocent and ignorant, as if nothing else in the world existed other than this beauty. I await the day when I will bring beauty of the like into this world.

Yes, I've made one of these lists..

Things to do before I'm THIRTY!!

I did just turn twenty. So, now seems as appropriate as ever to start thinking about turning thirty.

Numéro Un.. Anyone who knows me even a little bit can answer this one, HAVE A BABY!! Since getting married is already checked off the list, having a little bundle of joy is on the top of my priority list. 

Numéro Deux.. Study in France, live in Paris, climb every step of the Eiffel Tower.. I could word this one many different ways. I will never complete my French studies without traveling. And as much as I would like Quebec, I'm not going to give up on France and settle for Canada.

Numéro Trois.. earn a Master's Degree, and then it's on to the Doctorate!

Numéro Quatre.. get away from all this technology for a while. It's exhausting. At least I haven't been surrounded by it all my life. I feel sorry for my children. I know what you're thinking and don't worry I think the same thing. I should have been born in the 20's.

Numéro Cinq.. settle down somewhere C and I really love. Maybe move back to Oklahoma, or try somewhere in the mountains. We're tough, maybe we'll try Alaska.

I know ventures will be added to this list periodically, but for now, this is what I've got.

One Half of the Team

Today, I was suggested by a friend that I should write about my coping time while my husband is in the dreaded middle east (blah), and it brought this thought to my mind. Have we as a country became so desensitized that the wife left behind by an airman/soldier/marine/sailor deserves no sympathy or compassion? I think maybe the thought was flirting around my own mind, the mind of an Airman's wife. Yes, I will admit that it is very hard going about my day knowing my husband is working in a prison with Afghani terrorist detainees. However, I never thought of my part of the military marriage team very "brave" or "praise worthy." Since my said friend (a mother of two servicemen) suggested I write about my life handling, I'm starting to think my role in this war plot may be more significant than I previously noted. Am I flattering myself a bit? Maybe, but it's nice when somebody thinks you're important.
I'm not going to use this new feeling of importance as an excuse to complain, whine, and cry to the general public. The last thing we need is another one of those downer people. I will use it, however, to bring your attention to perhaps someone you know who is affected in some way by a deployment or the military, and most likely feeling the same things as myself. I know the hardest part is not having your loved one to speak to, especially when it is your spouse. The person you're accustomed to seeing everyday, discussing you ideas, gripes, and successes with. So, if you know one of these people, talk to them. More than anything, listen to them. Their main communicator has been swept away from them to some sandy, strange land.
With all my faith, I believe my husband will return to me as scheduled. I haven't a doubt in my mind about that. For myself it is something else that makes this time hard, the strange new loneliness, lurking silence, and the cold bed with only one wrinkled side. I cannot possibly describe how much I despise driving in my Jeep alone. Without C beside me, singing along with whatever our chosen genre of the day was, is a truely frightful experience for me. I feel as if I'm concentrated on his absence so much that I cannot be focused enough on driving, or whatever tedious task I'm attempting to complete, hopefully semi successfully. There are many other things that are difficult to do without my partner, taxes, paying bills, caring for our dogs, etc. For me, the simple things are the most difficult, sleeping and driving. But I will go on, and this deployment will come and pass. I won't go restless, and I will continue to drudge down the road, my Jeep leading me where it may.

Five More

 C left for Afghanistan in December, the same time I made the bittersweet seven hundred mile trip back to my parents house for the duration of his deployment. With our Great Dane, Terrier Mix, my guitar, my father, and the bare minimum amount of clothes packed into my Jeep Patriot, I drove and counted the minutes that had passed since my husband had said goodbye. Now, I'm counting down months. One has passed, five more to go. With all the snow on the ground, it seems as if June will never arrive.
He called me this morning, as he does most mornings. What a beautiful start to my day, marking the end to yet another lonely night. I updated him on the weather and our dogs discovery of their love for snow. He replied with wishes of snow. Winter is the season we love most, but must spend it apart this year. Deployments always seem to be ordered at inconvenient times. But when is a deployment convenient? Never, I guess.
We talked for awhile about our plans for life after his return. This is the main topic of all our conversations these days. Buying him a truck and taking a road trip through the Rocky Mountains before we try for a baby, these are the things we aim to do. He starts to say he needs to take out the trash and do a few other things and I know it's time for him to say goodbye. The day has barely reached afternoon here but on his side of Earth it's midnight, the end of his shift. We exchange our comfortable, "love you, bye!" and the phone clicks. Then I continue counting. Five more.